A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.' She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nunas long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'msure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1, you have to be single and 2, you must be Catholic.' The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!' 'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.' The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'
A Copper just knocked on me door there, says "sorry mate, it looks like your girlfriend was in a car crash" I said " ah i know Gard, but she has a great personality!!!"
United had a retro 8os party at the weekend Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes in a Sierra and Rooney chose to come in an Escort.
I was waiting to check into a hotel last week when I heard the guy in front of me say rather curtly to the receptionist "I hope the porn in my room is disabled". It's mad what some people are into.
It was a toss up wether to put it in this thread.. or current affairs! Hes got a neck like a jockeys bollox http://news.ie.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=154617287
Was at the ATM this morning. An old dear asked me to check her balance............ so i pushed her over !
a tall musclar man wallks into the bar..and a lady recognises him as a famous rugby player.. they start to talk and eventually go back to her place.. they start to kiss and he takes off his shirt.. hes got REEBOK tattooed on his arm.. whats... that for she asks?.. thats so when im on t.v people can see it and Reebok pay me..He takes off his trousers and he got NIKE tattooed on his leg...whats that? she asks..Same as Reebok i get paid when its seen on t.v... He drops his pants and hes got AIDS tatooed on his penis... she screems dont tell me you got aids... No calm down he says.. it will say ADIDAS in a minute.
I bought a copy of the Quran today.I burnt it and used the ashes to sculpt a model of Mohammed.I sold it on eBay.I made a good prophet