Ok Here goes What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? A Wonkey What do you call a donkey with 3 legs & one eye? A Winkey Wonkey What do you call a donkey with 3 legs & one eye and plays guitar? A Honkey Tonkey Winkey Wonkey Ta da
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs & one eye and plays guitar and piano A Plinky Plonky Honkey Tonkey Winkey Wonkey
Pavarotti knocks on the Pearly Gates,St Peter opens them and says "ah it's you Luciano,come on in,squeeze through. Pavorotti says "hold on,i have an Envelope for you from the Pope." St Peter opens it and it Reads "here's the Tenor i owe you."
Haha, thats got to be the 10th time i've heard that in 2 days, all slightly different versions though!
Jez, didn't get that one until I said it out loud to someone, lack of sleep has caught up with me good one
Your Yearly Dementia Test It's that time of year to take our annual I.q. test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin. 1. What do you put in a toaster? Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2. 2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink? Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3. 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from? Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the hell are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4. 4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight,TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"? Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors," proceed to the next question. 5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus; In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver? Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you. PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long > > > before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop > > > full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. > > > > > > A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and > > > asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked > > > around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. > > > > > > A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, > > > "How > > > > long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the > > > shop and said, "About an hour and half." The guy left. > > > > > > The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. > > > Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he > > > has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back." > > > > > > A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing >hysterically. > > > > > > The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?" > > > > > > Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said....... > > > > > > "Your house
Blind man in Girls Biker Bar A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, " No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"!
Ann Summers Husband walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I'll not put it on, do the modelling naked and return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund for myself". So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose. The husband says, "My God ! It wasn't that creased in the shop". His funeral is on Thursday.
A five-year-old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulled a beer out of the cooler. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" The little boy answered, "No Grandpa, it's just a little pecker!" Grandpa said, "Then you're not man enough to have a beer." A little later Grandpa lit up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" The little boy answered "no," again. Grandpa said, "Then you're not man enough to have a cigar." A little later, the boy came out of the house with some cookies and milk. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?" The boy asked, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah, my pecker can touch my ass!" The boy replied, "Then go fcuk yourself! Grandma made these for me."
Not for the kids Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. > Paddy says "Murphy mi feet are freezin, would ya run up stairs an fetch mi slippers?" > "No bother" Murphy says and runs upstairs. > There upstairs are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds. > "Hello girls, yer dad's sent me up here to shag ye both." > "F*ck off yer liar." They said. > "I'll prove it" says Murphy, so he shouts down stairs "Both of em Pat?" > "Of course whats the point of f*cking one?"
whats the difference between the all blacks and viagra? A Viagra will at least guarantee you a Semi !!
An Irishman applying for a blacksmiths job was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses He says no but he once told a donkey to f**k off
Paddy walking by a field sees a man in the field drinking from a pool of water with his hand. Paddy shouts *Ná ól an tuisce, tá sé lán le chac bó* (Don't drink the water, it's full of cowshit). The man shouts back *I'm English, speak English, I don't understand you* Paddy shouts back *Use both hands, you'll get more in*
Q: How many Everton fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They just sit in the dark blaming Liverpool! :lol:
A priest had a family of Hens and one day the Cock ran away. So after Sunday Mass he asks everyone, " does anyone have a Cock? " all the men stand up. He says "no has anyone seen a cock?" all the women stand up. "No has anyone seen my cock?" all the alter boys stand up.
Not for kids George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before having to make hot chocolate for them. He is currently working on a new single about his time called 'Wank me off before your cocoa' Day 1) Woke up and was forced to suck off another man. Went for a shower and got raped by 2 blokes...one of whom was black. Finished the night off with a few hand jobs for some of the guys and I let one handsome bloke give me a blow job. Day 2) Got found guilty and jailed for driving under the influence of drugs What do George Michael and Chilean miners have in common? Both will be free after eight weeks of heavy drilling.