Inter county jokes

No offence to any county intended

Poor Kid...

Two boys are playing hurling in the people's park, when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hurl, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.
A local newspaper reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Waterford Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Waterford fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Waterford, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again.
"Little Wexford Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Wexford fan either," the boy said.
"I assumed you were a Wexford fan given your friend is wearing a Wexford Jersey, What team do you support?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Kilkenny fan." the child said smiling.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Little Kilkenny Rogue Kills Beloved Family Pet."
I'll let you know when it happens...

Man, "My dog watches all the Tipperary games on TV. Everytime they lose, he lies down and cries his eyes out."
Friend, "That's incredible. What does he do when they win?"
Man, "I don't know, I'll let you know when it actually happens."
Don't take the...

A hurling fan is caught speeding on a motorway and when pulled over is asked to take a breathaliser test, he refuses and shows the officer a card with "asthmatic, no breath tests allowed", so the officer asks him for a blood test and once again, the man shows a card saying "diabetic, no blood tests allowed. Then, the officer tells him to take a urine test and the man pulls out a card sying "Cork Langer, don't take the p*#s!!!"
One Liners

Q: How do you make a Kilkenny fan run?
A: Build a job centre

Q: What would you get if Kilkenny were knocked out of the championship?
A: 199 more Waterford fans

Q: How does DJ Carey change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.

Q: What's the difference between DJ Carey and God?
A: God doesn't think he's DJ.

Q: What's the difference between a Langer and a bucket of poo?
A: The bucket...

DJ Carey was caught for speeding on his way to Croke Park today.
"I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned

Q: What do Haemhorroids and Cork Fans have in common?
A: They're both a complete pain in the hole and never seem to go away completely

Q: What's the difference between an Clare fan and a Chimp?
A: Ones hairy, stupid and smells, and the other is a chimpanzee.

Q. What's the difference between a Clare fan and a coconut?
A. One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.

Q: How many Galway fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Galway...

Q: What do you say to a Wexford supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo

Q: What do you say to a Dublin fan with a job?
A: Can I have a battered sausage and a chip please!

Q. What's the difference between the Cork Hurling Team and the Ryder Cup Team?
A. There's only one Langer in the Ryder Cup Team

Q. What do you have when 100 Kilkenny fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand (Sorry, I am incorrect here, I don't think there are 100 Kilkenny fans).

Q. What do Wexford fans use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Limerick fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the Limerick fan - twice.

Q. What does the Kerry hurling team and Mike Tyson have in common?
A. They're both out after round one.

Q. What do you call a Kilkenny man in Kilkenny on a Monday morning?
A. Unemployed.

Q. What's the difference between the Offaly goalie and Pamela Anderson?
A. Pamela Anderson's only got two t*ts in front of her.

Q. What is the best thing to ever come out of Kilkenny?
A. The road to Waterford (to Waterford people this is the worst thing as not only does it give Kilkenny people access to our beautiful paradise, it also costs Waterford people 146 Billion Euro a year in damages to shock absorbers).
Couldn't Risk It

There were three men in the labour ward waiting room at the Hospital: a Waterfordian, a Nigerian and a Corkonian, all of which were waiting for their babies to be delivered.
The nurse runs frantically in and says, 'I've got good & bad news... the good news is that all the babies are OK... the bad is there's been a mix-up.... we don't know which baby is which!!!'
So the Waterfordian runs in and grabs the black baby and legs it.... After a few days, after the heat had died down and the mixup was sorted out, the Waterfordian was relaxing with his wife and new baby.
She said, 'So, why did ya take de black baby boy, boy?'
'coz dayer was a mix-up and I could'nt risk taking home a Langer!!!'
Diseased Dog...

A fanatical Clare supporter was walking his scabby little mangy diseased dog on the Monday after the defeat by Waterford. As he strolled along the beach full of despondancy, he saw a bottle which was quite unusual lying on the strand. He poked the bottle with his toe and low and behold out pops a genie.
'Your wish is my command,' said the Genie.
Startled, the Clare fan said, 'I wish this scabby little mangy diseased dog of mine be turned into a greyhound that would win The Laurels and The Derby.'
The genie took one look at the mangy little mongrel that was on its last legs and shakes his head, saying, 'That would be very difficult. Is there any other wish you have?'
The Clare supporter thought and his eyes lit up for an instant... 'I wish that Clare will win another 'All-Ireland' in the near future!!!'
The genie looked a bit taken aback for an instant. He then rubbed his beard and said...
'Would you ever give me a second look at that dog?'
Who do you support...

Primary school in Kilkenny, September 2001

An unnamed teacher said to her class, 'Hands up who supports Kilkenny?' All the kids shouted 'Kilkenny and Up The Cats' whilst throwing their hands in the air with hasty abandon, except for one little girl sitting in the corner who kept her hands by her sides. The Teacher asked her, 'Mary, who do you support?' Mary Replied, 'Waterford of course because my mammy and daddy do too.' The teacher, obviously annoyed with this said, 'Mary, if your mother was a protstitute and your father was a robber, what would you be then?' Mary sat back and thought for a moment, then smiled wryly and said,

'A Limerick Fan'

The class erupted.
Local Radio Broadcast Spraoi 2003...

Last August weekend Spraoi opened on Friday night despite heavy rain. On Saturday morning the sun shone clear from the heavens. The sproai organiser, asked on WLR if he was anxious about the weather, said: "Ah no. I've had a message from God. Last night's rain was a mistake. He got the date wrong. It was actually the Kilkenny Arts Festival he wanted to p*#s on."
Letter to the Irish times...

Thu, 08 July 2004 13:11

Madam,

I was visiting your beautiful country when my country, Greece, fought its way into the European cup final by bravely defeating the favoured Czech Republic. On the following day, Friday, July 2nd, I travelled from Cork to Rosslare.

Imagine my surprise and delight to find that almost the entire route especially between the towns of Youghal and New Ross - was gloriously festooned with the blue and white colours of Greece!

Such overwhelming support of one small country for another brought tears of joy to my eyes. I wish to express my heartfelt gratitude to the Irish people for making this Greek feel so at home at such an important time for his country. - Yours, etc.,

MANOLIS ANDROPOULOS, Athens, Greece.

(Waterford were playing in the Munster final that weekend!)
Satellite News Channel interview with Euro 2004 fans in Lisbon...

The reporter asked one man if he was disappointed that England had lost.
The man replied, "Not at all, I'm Irish, I'm from Waterford".
The reporter then asked, "But would you not support England when Ireland are not in the competition?"
The man replied "Jaysus no way".
Reporter: "Why not?"
Man: "800 years of oppression!!"
Reporter: "Is there ever any time you would support England?"
Man: "Maybe if they were playing Kilkenny!!!"

The reporter handed back to the studio with a puzzled look on his face.
He just didn't seem to get it